


Violet x Drop: How Do Humans Love?

by JadeTheThief



Category: Dice Funk Podcast D&D Campaign
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-17
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2020-03-07 01:17:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18862795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JadeTheThief/pseuds/JadeTheThief
Summary: You're looking at it.  The first Dice Funk slashfic.  Ever.They joked about it in season 1, but it didn't happen until early season 2.  This is the one that actually got referenced back in the day XD





	Violet x Drop: How Do Humans Love?

Violet the unicorn gazed down at Drop the human monk, who was asleep after a long day of walking across the island, looking for a ship. Humans sleep funny, she thought, noticing how his mouth hung open and uttered a nasally grumbling sound. She poked him with her horn. “Hey, wake up!” she whispered. “I have more questions about humans!”  
Drop sputtered, eyes blinking as he sat up slowly. “Whu-?” He turned, saw Violet, and yawned. “Oh, hello again, rock horse.”  
“I am a unicorn!” Violet reminded him.  
“Right, right…” he looked around, noticing the full moon. “Gee, morning sure looks a lot darker than it used to…”  
“It’s nighttime, silly!” Violet nudged him with her snout. “Come on, show me some human stuff!”  
Drop stared at her blankly. “…Like what?” he frowned, suspicious.  
“Like…” Violet pranced in a circle, giddy. “Like BUTTS!”  
“…What?” Drop’s voice came out, emotionless and confused.  
“Humans have butts, right?” Violet stared hard at him. “But you always wear that long shirt thing—“  
“Tunic.”  
“Yeah, and all I can see are legs!”  
Drop blinked slowly. “Horses already have butts… so how is this diff—“  
“Actually, just get naked!” Violet trotted around him, eyeing him up and down. “I want to see a full human!”  
“I don’t think that’s such a good idea…” Drop watched her nervously. “The last time I was naked around someone, they didn’t see the bar of soap on the floor… or the open window perilously close by… or the rocks under said window… or the sharks in the water.”  
“I don’t see how any of that has to do with you being naked.” Violet frowned.  
“I can be… rather distracting to look at… like that.” Drop stared downward, glumly. “It’s… rather long.”  
“What is?” Violet grinned, moving closer.  
“Nothing.” Drop stepped away, feeling his back press up against the tree.  
“I saw pictures of humans doing something…” Violet stepped forward, closer. “Where they push their faces together and do weird stuff with their lips. What is that?”  
“Sounds like… kissing.” Drop sighed with a frown. “The last time I kissed someone, I had just eaten a lot of peanut butter, and didn’t realize they were allergic to—“  
Violet leaned in, smothering the bottom half of Drop’s face with her unicorn lips.  
Drop’s expression remained unchanged, mostly perplexed.  
Violet pulled back. “…I still don’t get it.”  
Drop shrugged. “Some humans find it… pleasurable. I guess.”  
Violet nodded thoughtfully, then looked at Drop, eyes glittering. “Now show me sex!”  
Drop turned and ran.


End file.
